One of the really intriguing things about your local Roman Catholic Church is that if you get your pastors' permission to do so, you can go up to the altar and lift up the altar cloth and you will see one or more small drill marks in the stone, plastered-over.
Why?
The reason for them is fascinating. Holes were drilled in the altar stone, and martyrs' relics pushed into them, and then they were sealed with plaster.
Why?
Because nearly 2,000 years ago, the Catholic Church was bathed in martyrs' blood in the time of its formation. Before the Roman Emperor Constantine fully legitimized the Church, the emperors, who did not like this emerging new sect, would authorize persecutions, to force members to publicly forswear their allegiance. Soldiers would be dispatched to the homes of those known to be followers of "Christus" and, like the Nazis of World War II going door-to-door hunting for hidden Jews, threaten loss of life and property if they did not say the right thing. Many were murdered in response. (I believe that this shall happen again, in the not-too-distant future.) Soldiers were shocked as men, women and children voluntarily stretched out their necks for execution. Nothing spread Christianity faster through the ranks of the Roman army than asking them to participate in hunts for Faithful followers of "Christus." Membership in the Church boomed.
Many of the martyrs were buried in the underground cemeteries on Rome and environs, called "catacombs." The faithful would sneak into the catacombs for Mass, which would frequently be held on top of the stone sarcophagi of the more prominent martyrs.
It was this practice -- consecration on top of the martyrs stone graves, an appropriate site since the body and blood of Christ at Mass is the body and blood of Christ sacrificed -- which gradually mutated into a rule requiring that martyrs' relics be place into altar stone assemblies.
At St. Martin of Tours Catholic Church on Oxford Circle in Philadelphia, where I went to Mass when I was a kid, they used to have a portable altar -- a rolling metal frame with a small stone slab on top for consecration, and a rack beneath for the metal reliquary box which held a saint's relics.
One of the more famous ancient stone structures in New England is the Newport Tower, in Newport, Rhode Island.
I have been to it. The local consensus is that it was a windmill belonging to Benedict Arnold's grandfather.
In fact, it is one of the most astonishing stone structures in the United States. It is the tower portion of a fortified Roman Catholic Church built in Newport by Roman Catholic Vikings around the year 1357. The public records dispatching the mission from the united kingdom of Sweden and Norway to "Vinland" -- the Viking name for America -- in 1354, almost 150 years before Columbus, have been located. The design of the Newport tower is the same as the design for fortified church towers in the joint kingdom of Sweden and Norway constructed around that time. The mortar between the stones is of the variety in use in that era. In the second story, there is a fireplace on the inside, with a chimney built into the wall -- a feature in Scandinavian construction during that era. On the outside of the building is a stone bearing the Norse runes for H-N-K-R-S ...
... meaning "hinikirs," the Norse term meaning "chair church," which is what "cathedral" actually means -- "church of the [bishop's] chair."
On the inside wall of the second story there is a slot in the stone wall for their altar stone for Roman Catholic Mass, and beneath that altar stone slot is a square niche for their reliquary box ...
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Joke: The Trouble with Innocence
In a first grade religion class in the local parochial school, the teacher asks, "Now, can anyone in the class tell me why it is so important for you to be quiet in church on Sunday?"
A little girl raises her hand and asks, "Because there are so many people sleeping?"
A little girl raises her hand and asks, "Because there are so many people sleeping?"
Thursday, November 27, 2014
The Nativity Story In Luke's Gospel Isn't About What You Think ...
Was Jesus wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger? Is that statement in Luke 2:7, because it is inspired by the Holy Spirit, a perfectly historical, absolutely accurate statement?
An uncomfortable number of Christians would say "yes."
The reason why I say "uncomfortable" is because Biblical literalists are alienating millions from Christianity. Simple-minded Biblical literalists (along with the sex sins of Catholic priests and Protestant ministers) are going to kill-off Christianity, if we let them.
Instead of, "Every jot and tittle of Luke 2:7 is absolutely perfectly historical," the proper answer to the question, "Are the divinely-inspired words of Luke 2:7, saying that Jesus was wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger, true?" is, "It doesn't matter."
Why doesn't it matter?
Because in Luke 2:7, the Holy Spirit wasn't inspiring the words to teach us history.
Instead, the Holy spirit was inspiring the words to teach us that when Christ came to the world, He came to the world to become the Real Presence of Christ's sacrificed body and blood in the sacred Eucharist."
Note well: When Mary is said to wrap Jesus in swaddling clothes ...
... the divinely-inspired story functionally has her making Jesus look like the dead adult wrapped-up in his shroud in the tomb after his crucifixion ...
... and when Mary is said to place Jesus in the manger, a feeding trough for yoked animals in Bethlehem, Hebrew for "the House of Bread," ...
... the divinely-inspired story functionally has her placing Jesus on a kind of a "dinner plate" in a "bread bakery" ...
Voila! The Holy Spirit inspired Luke 2:7 NOT to teach us history, but to tell us that the One Who Came came to be this ...
An uncomfortable number of Christians would say "yes."
The reason why I say "uncomfortable" is because Biblical literalists are alienating millions from Christianity. Simple-minded Biblical literalists (along with the sex sins of Catholic priests and Protestant ministers) are going to kill-off Christianity, if we let them.
Instead of, "Every jot and tittle of Luke 2:7 is absolutely perfectly historical," the proper answer to the question, "Are the divinely-inspired words of Luke 2:7, saying that Jesus was wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger, true?" is, "It doesn't matter."
Why doesn't it matter?
Because in Luke 2:7, the Holy Spirit wasn't inspiring the words to teach us history.
Instead, the Holy spirit was inspiring the words to teach us that when Christ came to the world, He came to the world to become the Real Presence of Christ's sacrificed body and blood in the sacred Eucharist."
Note well: When Mary is said to wrap Jesus in swaddling clothes ...
... the divinely-inspired story functionally has her making Jesus look like the dead adult wrapped-up in his shroud in the tomb after his crucifixion ...
... and when Mary is said to place Jesus in the manger, a feeding trough for yoked animals in Bethlehem, Hebrew for "the House of Bread," ...
... the divinely-inspired story functionally has her placing Jesus on a kind of a "dinner plate" in a "bread bakery" ...
Voila! The Holy Spirit inspired Luke 2:7 NOT to teach us history, but to tell us that the One Who Came came to be this ...
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
11/26/2014 Cryptogram
U DUM IETH FE RZH
XEYFEP UMX HUQH,
“XEY, Z RUJT U FTPPZCBT
VPECBTD! TJTPQ FZDT Z
XPZMS YENNTT, Z ITF U
NZTPYT VUZM ZM EMT
EN DQ TQTH!”
FRT XEYFEP UMHATPH,
“RUJT QEL FPZTX FUSZMI
FRT HVEEM ELF NZPHF?”
TINYNESS GOT ON MARTY MOSS-COANE TODAY !!!
I call my wife Rise` (pronounced "REE-suh") "Tinyness" because I'm a big guy, and she's so tiny next to me. When I take her clothes out of the dryer, I can't believe how tiny her shirts are, as I'm hanging them up!
For years now I've had Celiac Disease -- I can't digest the gluten molecule, because a genetic change inherited from my parents -- probably, from my Irish father -- means that I lack the enzyme to digest it. Gluten sits in my bowels undigested until it -- and my bowels -- rot!
So, Rise` learned how to make me gluten free bread and other gluten-free concoctions.
On Marty Moss-Coane's pre-Thanksgiving show today, she was discussing Thanksgiving recipes. When the program turned to cooking for Celiac cases, Rise` e-mailed in that she made turkey stuffing edible for me, again, by substituting kasha for bread. Marty Moss-Coane read Rise`'s e-mail aloud on the show. "That sounds really good!" the guest commented.
This year, Rise` also did this for Thanksgiving ...
That's a Reese's chocolate peanut butter cup cheese cake on gluten-free crust.
I told Rise` that we have to have a supply of insulin ready inside, and an ambulance waiting outside, before anyone gets to eat any of it.
For years now I've had Celiac Disease -- I can't digest the gluten molecule, because a genetic change inherited from my parents -- probably, from my Irish father -- means that I lack the enzyme to digest it. Gluten sits in my bowels undigested until it -- and my bowels -- rot!
So, Rise` learned how to make me gluten free bread and other gluten-free concoctions.
On Marty Moss-Coane's pre-Thanksgiving show today, she was discussing Thanksgiving recipes. When the program turned to cooking for Celiac cases, Rise` e-mailed in that she made turkey stuffing edible for me, again, by substituting kasha for bread. Marty Moss-Coane read Rise`'s e-mail aloud on the show. "That sounds really good!" the guest commented.
This year, Rise` also did this for Thanksgiving ...
That's a Reese's chocolate peanut butter cup cheese cake on gluten-free crust.
I told Rise` that we have to have a supply of insulin ready inside, and an ambulance waiting outside, before anyone gets to eat any of it.
Joke: The Rich Old Contractor
A geriatric specialist had a 75 year old contractor as a patient. When the patient was in for an exam one day, the doctor commented, "You're getting quite old -- you're really up there. Maybe it's time to retire."
"Eh ???!!!" the old contractor said, cupping his ear to hear better.
"I SAID," the doctor yelled, "YOU'RE GETTING QUITE OLD -- YOU'RE REALLY UP THERE. RETIRE!"
"'It's really cold, and I should get a sweater and be near a fire'???" the old man asked.
"Oh, for Heaven's sake," the doctor said, listening to the man's chest with his stethoscope, "Just listen: YOU'VE GOT A HEART MURMUR ! BE CAREFUL !"
The old man looked surprised, nodded agreement, and left.
A few weeks later, the doctor received an invitation to the old contractor's retirement party at the local country club.
When he entered the dining room, there was the old contractor, standing next to one of the most sexy young ladies God ever put on Earth, wearing a beautiful, clingy gown. She was holding the contractor's arm.
The doctor hurried over to them. The old contractor, beaming with pride, said, "Doctor, I'd like to introduce you to my wife!"
The doctor grabbed the old man and pulled him aside. "YOU'RE WIFE ???" the doctor yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A BABE LIKE HER ???"
The old contractor looked at him shocked and said, "YOU TOLD ME TO DO IT !!!"
"I TOLD YOU ?" the doctor asked. "WHEN ???"
The old contractor said, "AT MY LAST VISIT TO YOUR OFFICE, YOU TOLD ME TO GET A HOT MAMA AND BE CHEERFUL !!!"
"NO! NO! NO!" the doctor corrected, "I SAID, 'YOU'VE GOT A HEART MURMUR! BE CAREFUL!'"
"Oh," the old contractor muttered.
"HOW DID YOU GET A GIRL LIKE THAT?" the doctor asked.
"I LIED ABOUT MY AGE!" the rich old contractor explained.
"YOU TOLD HER THAT YOU ARE 55?" the doctor suggested.
"NO!" he smiled, "I TOLD HER THAT I WAS 95!"
"Eh ???!!!" the old contractor said, cupping his ear to hear better.
"I SAID," the doctor yelled, "YOU'RE GETTING QUITE OLD -- YOU'RE REALLY UP THERE. RETIRE!"
"'It's really cold, and I should get a sweater and be near a fire'???" the old man asked.
"Oh, for Heaven's sake," the doctor said, listening to the man's chest with his stethoscope, "Just listen: YOU'VE GOT A HEART MURMUR ! BE CAREFUL !"
The old man looked surprised, nodded agreement, and left.
A few weeks later, the doctor received an invitation to the old contractor's retirement party at the local country club.
When he entered the dining room, there was the old contractor, standing next to one of the most sexy young ladies God ever put on Earth, wearing a beautiful, clingy gown. She was holding the contractor's arm.
The doctor hurried over to them. The old contractor, beaming with pride, said, "Doctor, I'd like to introduce you to my wife!"
The doctor grabbed the old man and pulled him aside. "YOU'RE WIFE ???" the doctor yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A BABE LIKE HER ???"
The old contractor looked at him shocked and said, "YOU TOLD ME TO DO IT !!!"
"I TOLD YOU ?" the doctor asked. "WHEN ???"
The old contractor said, "AT MY LAST VISIT TO YOUR OFFICE, YOU TOLD ME TO GET A HOT MAMA AND BE CHEERFUL !!!"
"NO! NO! NO!" the doctor corrected, "I SAID, 'YOU'VE GOT A HEART MURMUR! BE CAREFUL!'"
"Oh," the old contractor muttered.
"HOW DID YOU GET A GIRL LIKE THAT?" the doctor asked.
"I LIED ABOUT MY AGE!" the rich old contractor explained.
"YOU TOLD HER THAT YOU ARE 55?" the doctor suggested.
"NO!" he smiled, "I TOLD HER THAT I WAS 95!"
Joke: The Medical Exam
A doctor gives his patient a careful medical examination, and finally the doctor says, "I hate to have to tell you this, but you have rabies. You'll be dead soon."
The patient says, "Quick! Give me a pencil and some paper!"
"Why?" the doctor asks, "To write your last will and testament?"
"No," the patient answers, "To make a list of the people I want to bite!"
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